My wife and I have three children. Our two oldest are living on their own. One is a teacher and the other is in her last year of studying wildlife ecology and heading to veterinary school. Our youngest just started college, but is living at home for now. With his busy school, work, and cross-country training schedules we don’t seem him much. So our season of life is different than it was just a few years ago. Many of our friends also have kids who have all moved out.
Being an “empty-nester” is liberating and challenging at the same time. On the one hand parents of grown children have a more open and flexible schedule, not being directly responsible for supporting their kids. On the other hand, the house feels empty and the future unknown. Parents tend to reflect on whether they were good parents. Did they do the right things in raising their kids, are their kids prepared, will they thrive? If they are parents who love God they wonder, will our kids continue to follow God and grow in their love for him and others? Seek God’s wisdom and help to use your freedom and your challenges to grow and best support others in whatever season of life or transition you are in.
Now What
Here are a few practical things which might help if you are an “empty-nester.” Although my explanations are directed to parents, the key principles apply even if you just need to let go of something in order to transition and grow.
- Pray Share your feelings and concerns with God over your changing relationship with your kids. Continue to pray for the welfare of your children. Ask God to guide you in how to effectively relate to your kids now that they are more independent.
- Let Go Don’t let mistakes or sin from the past cripple you and steal your joy in the present. Confess any wrongdoing. Bring your failures to God. Receive his gracious forgiveness (1 John 1:9). He promises to bring all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Release your kids to God’s care. He is their Heavenly Father and loves them even more than you do. If they are open, he will help them mature to become like Jesus, just as he is helping you (Philippians 1:6).
- Realize You Are Needed Although your parenting role is changing it will never end. As you move from a director’s role more into an advisor’s role, you’ll still deepen a relationship with yor kids, support them, and provide a refuge when needed. Keep modeling what it looks like to love God and others. In addition, God has an ever expanding plan for you. Be faithful, available, and teachable. Seek him and his righteousness first (Matthew 6:33).
- Take the Next Step Use your time strategically as God enables you (Ephesians 5:15-16). Support your spouse, who is also trying to cope with the kids being gone. Go and teach others to obey all God has commanded you (Matthew 28:18-20). Mentor children, teens, or young adults. Learn new skills in order to serve others. Make new relationship connections through activities you enjoy.
Conclusion
God is always preparing you for what’s next. Be open to him working. Part of your preparation is letting go of how things used to be, or how you wish them to be, so God can do a new and even better work in you and through you. Your kids will benefit also, by being compelled to rely on God directly to build their faith and meet their needs.
Note: Years ago my dad abandoned our family. It was hard on my mom, my two brothers and me, but God was faithful to help each of us individually and together. After a few years, all of us boys moved out at the same time—One got married, one went into the military, and I went to college. It was hard for my mother to “lose” us all at once, but she relied on God. I’ve reflected on this and ended up writing a song about it titled, “Letting Go.”