This week I had three separate conversations about what it means to love. One was regarding a crisis in my extended family where my relatives are confused, lost, and needlessly suffering because they are looking for love in the wrong places. Another conversation was with my daughter who is growing in her love for a special young man. The third conversation was with a student who is facing some decisions regarding a relationship. Perhaps you have been thinking about love lately.
Love is far more than an attraction or romance. Loving feelings ebb and flow with the current of circumstances and conditions, but true love withstands the current as a faithful, dependable rock which remains secure amidst the current instead of flowing with it. True love is grounded in God who is love. We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19). Therefore, love is far greater and deeper than a feeling. It is a choice by faith to rely on God to love through you in unconditional commitment and sacrificial care for the betterment of others.
Love is Difficult But Vital
This divine love is difficult and costly at times because it involves emptying yourself for the benefit of others instead of trying to fulfill yourself. With that said love is not about striving harder, but about trusting and allowing God to work in you and through you. As you give of yourself, God gives you himself. He fills you up to overflowing. This is vital to your growth, joy, and fulfillment. To love God and to love others is the greatest, most significant, and most impactful endeavor you can be involved in (Matthew 22:36-40). Love changes the world from the inside out, one person at a time. Jesus proved that. Jesus is God the Son who became a man. He lived a righteous life. He innocently died on your behalf to pay the penalty for your wrongdoing and the sin of the world. He rose again to provide abundant, everlasting life to anyone who trusts in him (John 3:16-21). Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life—our example in all things, especially in how to love (John 14:6).
Critical Choices
We make the best difference in the world when we love with Jesus’ love. Here are four areas I encourage you, by God’s grace and power, to love people like Jesus does.
Choose to Love Your Enemies
By default everyone has rebelled against God. We all choose to live life our way instead of God’s way. This separates us from God and causes all types of problems and harm as readily seen in our fallen world of broken people (Isaiah 53:6; Romans 3:23-26, 6:23-24). Our sin deserves God’s righteous wrath, but fortunately he has extended us mercy instead by sending Jesus to pay our ransom. “At just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:6-8). Remarkably, God loves people who are hostile and rebellious toward him. He loves his enemies. Jesus calls anyone who follows him to do the same. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:43-45). This is difficult, but necessary if there is any hope for evil people to be saved. One thing that can help is to separate the sin from the sinner. Evil is wrong and should be confronted and stopped out of tough love for the perpetrator and out of tender love for potential victims in harm’s way. God hates sin and actively opposes it, but he also loves the sinner and seeks to draw them to repentance and salvation. Likewise we need to confront unrighteousness and intervene against injustice, but by God’s grace and power, do so in a way that seeks to reconcile the offender when possible. If evil people don’t turn to God they will eventually be judged. God will avenge all wickedness (Micah 6:8; Romans 12:17-21).
Choose to Love the Unlovable
As the benevolent king of all creation, Jesus seeks to save the lost, the last, the least, and the outcast (Luke 19:10). When a religious leader asked Jesus whom should we love, Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan. In the story, out of love and out of expense to himself, the Samaritan man crossed cultural boundaries and overcame extreme prejudice to save and to care for a Jewish stranger who had been robbed, beaten, and left for dead. Jesus told the religious leader to treat those he encountered with the same kind of love—to love his neighbor as himself (Luke 10:25-37).
Choose to Love the Unresponsive
Most people love people who love them back. Many relationships are based on people giving in some way, but also receiving in return. As long as the reciprocation is mutual and pleases each party then the relationship continues. This is a blessing when it works out, but what about when it doesn’t? Do you love people because of what they do for you or because of how they make you feel? When that changes or when they change do you no longer value them as a person? When someone isn’t as good looking, as funny, as interesting, as capable, or as caring as they used to be, do you continue to love them? When it’s costly and someone can’t or won’t love you back will you still love them? In other words, is the basis of your love rooted in your fulfillment or theirs? Similar to loving your enemies and the unlovable, loving the unresponsive is difficult, but not impossible. With God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Ask him to fill the void you are looking for others to fill. Find your completeness in God, then you will be free and inspired to love others without expecting anything in return.
Choose to Love the Unruly
Don’t give up on or shut out reckless, wayward, defiant, or self-centered people. Through grace, love, and truth try to show them how their behavior and choices are keeping them from the unsurpassed, abundant life God has for them. Sometimes this requires a tough love of accountability and discipline, but hopefully the investment will pay a dividend of God using you to help turn them from their unruly ways and to draw closer to himself. As a loving father, God treats believers who have joined his family this way. “What children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:8-11).
Conclusion
God made each of us to love and to be loved (1 John 4:7-21; John 13:34-35). Yet in our brokenness we tend to seek the “being loved” aspect over the “loving” aspect. Resist the common tendency to think too much of yourself and to think too little of God and others. That never works. If my kids get married I want their spouses to commit to love them unconditionally rather than just to be in love with them. Likewise I want my kids to love their spouses the same way. Being in love and intentionally, sacrificially loving is more than just a semantic difference. It’s a life-giving and life-changing difference in which you must empty yourself instead of fulfilling yourself. God works through that humility and servanthood to fill you with himself to overflowing so others can be saved. He gives you the grace and the power to love your enemies, to love the unlovable, to love the unresponsive, and to love the unruly. What a divine blessing. The Bible describes this kind of unconditional love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). I encourage you by God’s help to love like this—to love like Jesus.