My wife and I manage the mobile home park where we live. Since I am usually busy teaching high school she carries out most of the day-to-day responsibilities. I just pitch in when needed. Last week one of the tenants called to rant, complain, and make demands. Most of the points were exaggerated and not realistic. It was a long and draining call for my wife, but she listened and also tried to insert rational and objective feedback when possible. We’ll see how much it helps.
Perhaps you have something on your mind which you wish to tell someone. When you do be gracious and kind. Focus on the issue or behavior rather than attacking the person. Try not to accuse or assume. Rather seek to understand, ask questions, give the benefit of the doubt, and work toward a solution. When interacting with someone, especially over a contentious or emotionally charged issue, avoid the trap of thinking you have communicated just because you vented or you heard the other person respond. To be effective speak truthfully, calmly, and tactfully. Also give supportive details. Then don’t just hear the other person, really listen.
Hearing is a physical ability, but listening is a skill that seeks to understand and act. Here are some practical tips to actively listen to others.
- FOCUS: Pay attention. Make eye contact. Ignore distractions.
- WAIT: Put your thoughts on hold. Defer judgment. Don’t interrupt.
- RESPOND: Show that you are listening by nodding, smiling, acknowledging.
- REPHRASE: Provide feedback on what was said by paraphrasing, summarizing, or asking questions.
- CONSIDER: Ask what should I do with this information?
The better you listen, the more likely you will be heard when it is your turn to speak.
The same is true in relating to God. He loves you and has a plan for you. As you listen, trust, and obey him you experience the joyful benefits of his providence. “For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him” (2 Chronicles 16:9). As You do this, you grow in knowing him and you grow in confidence that he sees you and hears you. “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry” (Psalm 34:15). God knows you intimately and nothing is outside his watchful care (Proverbs 15:3).
By faithfully listening and acting on what God tells you, you better understand his holy character and his awesome mission. You begin to align your will with his. Therefore, like a loving father he hears you, his son or daughter, and takes your concerns into account as he fulfills his perfect purposes. Jesus, God the Son, knew this to be true and taught his followers, “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you (John 15:7). Likewise the Bible says that prayers are powerful and effective for anyone who confesses their sin and is rightly related to God through Jesus (James 5:13-18). God may act in a different way or time than you expect, for his ways are better than your ways, but he always works toward your best interest. So listen, trust, and obey God. Then know that he hears you, he loves you, and he will take care of you.